Estrogen
by Pumpkin Zucchini
Summary: Either way, there's not much of a difference. Fem!Sanji crack for Amethyst Turtle.


"What if Sanji is female, but she's _exactly __the same_ as she is as a male in the canon universe? As in, Sanji is still obsessed with women?" asked Amethyst Turtle.  
"Then that would be awkward." Pumpkin Zucchini replied.

Still, it hardly makes any difference. I think. :/

* * *

When Nami woke up, she found Sanjiko straddling her body and her face dangerously close to hers.

Without even blinking, Nami pushed the blonde girl off and rubbed her eyes, yawning and stretching. Sanjiko popped back up and smiled brightly.

"Good morning, Nami-swan!" Sanjiko chirped in her soft voice that was only slightly grated from constant smoking.

"Yeah, whatever." Nami trudged to the bathroom and shuffled inside, slamming the door behind her. Sanjiko hummed cheerfully as she hopped over to Robin's bed to wake her up.

Robin woke up in a startlingly similar manner as Nami had. Unperturbed, Robin rolled out from beneath the younger girl.

"Good morning, Robin-chwan!" Sanjiko smiled, all hearts and sunshine. Robin returned the greeting and began brushing her hair. After attempting to start a little conversation, Sanjiko finally gave up and went to the galley to prepare breakfast.

She had hardly finished sliding the eggs off the frying pan when the door burst open, the crew pouring in.

"Sanjikooo! Meaaat!" Luffy shouted, jumping into a chair and banging his fists on the table. "Breakfast breakfast breakfast!"

"Be patient, you shitty gomu!" Sanjiko barked, slightly sweating from the heat of the stove. The rest of the crew took their seats at the table. Franky was already wide awake on his cola, talking animatedly to a half-asleep Usopp. Zoro was snoring loudly, chair precariously tipping back.

Sanjiko walked over to the large dining table with several large plates balanced on her thin arms and began dealing them out without spilling a drop or crumb. She nimbly blocked Luffy's grabbing arms with a leg and glowered at him. Zoro snorted and grumbled in his sleep.

"Wake up, marimo! Ever heard of table manners?" Sanjiko kicked him in the head, effectively rousing him.

"What the hell, pervert bitch?" Zoro growled, rubbing the bump on his head.

"Stop sleeping at the table, shitface!"

"Like I'll listen to you!"

"DON'T MAKE ME STICK MY FOOT UP YOUR-"

"Sanjiko! Zoro! Stop fighting!" Nami slammed a fist on the table, clearly annoyed. Sanjiko immediately shifted moods, as if turned by a switch.

"Whatever you say, Nami-saaan!~"

-X-

When they first found Sanjiko at the Baratie, Luffy had immediately known she'd be their next crewmember and cook.

Zoro hardly paid her any mind, even when the blonde cook began to openly flirt with Nami. But no, that wasn't what sparked their intense rivalry. Zoro couldn't have cared less that their new crewmember was a lesbian with an evident crush on their navigator.

It was that _eyebrow_.

Sanjiko felt the same way about his hair.

-X-

"Sanjiko, stop smoking in our room." Nami said, wrinkling her nose at the sharp smell.

"Sorry Nami-san!" Sanjiko quickly put her cigarette out in the ashtray beside her bed. She rolled over and kicked her legs in the air, watching Nami work on her map. Nami, for the most part, ignored her gaze.

"Captain-san is raiding the fridge, Sanjiko-chan. Just thought I'd let you know." Robin said as she entered, two books under her arm.

"Gah, that idiot's never satisfied." Sanjiko grumbled, bouncing off her bed. She tried to peck Robin on the cheek as she brushed past, but Robin easily evaded her as if it were an unconscious motor action, and Sanjiko left the room.

"Hm." Nami set her pen down and rubbed her temples. "Do ever get the feeling that someday we'll wake up in the morning and Sanjiko will have-"

"No, not particularly."

Nami looked at Robin. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But still, we should take turns keeping watch."

"Do you really not trust Sanjiko-chan?" Robin raised an eyebrow as she put the books on her nightstand.

"It's not that!" Nami insisted. "It's just that... you know how perverted she is."

"She wouldn't go as far as to do _that_."

"You never know, Robin, you never know."

-X-

Their mission with assisting Vivi in Arabasta was a success, although Sanjiko's flirting made the princess highstrung and nervous the entire journey, resulting in a nasty incident with a sleepwalking Usopp, Vivi's peacock slashers, and Nami's fuzzy slippers.

Needless to say, Zoro thought the whole thing was hilarious and stood firmly by his belief that their cook was an eyebrow-freaky perverted butch.

Sanjiko took offense to his statement, insisting she was more feminine than masculine.

No one else dared to speak their opinion.

-X-

"And what the hell are _you _doing?" Sanjiko stood behind Luffy, who was rummaging through the fridge. He jumped and turned around, cheeks bulging with scraps of food he had found and eaten.

"Oh! Fanhiko!" Luffy said in surprise, spraying the cook with chewed up leftovers. He swallowed and laughed nervously. "Well, I was hungry, so, uh-"

"Get outta my kitchen, shitty gomu!" Sanjiko shrieked, sending a barrage of kicks at Luffy. Luffy yelped and scrambled over the table in his rush to get out. Moments after Luffy fled out the door, Zoro appeared, warily holding onto the hilt of one of his swords.

"Time of the month, pervert bitch?" Zoro raised an eyebrow. Sanjiko was fuming, disgustedly wiping off her shirt and grumbling about the mess Luffy had made during his raid.

"Don't make me kick your ass, marimo." Sanjiko hissed, snatching a dishtowel to clean up the floor.

"Yeah, whatever." Nevertheless, Zoro quickly walked away. Even he knew how scary Sanjiko was when she was pissed off- but not quite as intimidating as Nami was during her rages.

-X-

Robin joining the crew was probably the second best moment in Sanjiko's life- according to the blonde, that was.

The first best moment was when she met Nami.

Nami thought it was sweet, if not slightly creepy.

-X-

Brook sat at the kitchen counter, observing Sanjiko flit around the kitchen. Her hands nimbly worked through several dishes, spices and utensils and sauces flying everywhere without staining a surface.

"Miss Sanjiko?"

"Eh?" Sanjiko barely glanced up from the bowl she was vigorously whisking.

"May I see your panties?" Brook asked, calmly sipping his tea. Sanjiko set the whisk down and slowly turned around.

"LIKE HELL, SHITTY PERVERT!" Sanjiko roared, booting the skeleton across the galley. She ground the heel of her boot against the floor warningly. "Only Nami-san and Robin-chan get that privilege!"

"What was that?" Nami's head poked around the doorway, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Would you like to see my panties, Nami-saaaan?~" Sanjiko fluttered over, batting her eyelashes.

"LIKE HELL I DO!" Nami shouted in disgust.

"Yohoho!" Brook laughed dazedly from the floor, head spinning.

-X-

Even so, having a lesbian on board was hardly out of the ordinary. After all, they also had a cyborg, a living skeleton, a talking reindeer, and a rubber man.

So it wasn't really all that weird or creepy.

Even if Nami thought so.

(Robin thought Sanjiko was just plain amusing).


End file.
